If you wouldn't tell this joke to your mama, I need to hear it.
Why are married women heavier than single women? Cuz single women come see what's in the fridge and go to bed, married women come home see what's in bed and then go to the fridge.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker? Not only do you get your money back, but, the second hour is free.
What do you call intelligent people in the U.S.? Tourists.
Why is the 3yo Ethiopian kid crying ? He's having a midlife crisis.
Life is a bitch and then you die
I recently took a poll. 100% of the people in the tent were mad when it collapsed.
I asked my dad what his favorite joke was, he answered I don't have a favorite I love you kids all the same.
Why do women get yeast infections? So they too can know what it’s like to live with an irritating cunt.
What’s the difference between flowers and anal? Flowers will make her day, anal will make her hole weak.
What's the difference between your job and your wife? Your job still sucks after the first year.
What’s the difference between Disney+ and Pornhub? Disney+ wants you to hate your stepmother.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.
What’s long and hard that a new Polish bride gets on her wedding night? A new last name.
What’s the difference between your nose and your best friend? Nobody bats an eye when you blow your nose.
What’s the best thing about gardening? Getting down and dirty with your hoes!
What do you call a butt plug being used by a guy? A manhole cover.
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? You take your shoes off for the trampoline.
An 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl. After a year she gave birth in a hospital. The nurse congratulated the fellow. “This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?” He answered, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.” The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, “You really are amazing. What’s the secret?” He again said, “You’ve got to keep the old motor running.” The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, “You must be quite a man.” He responded, “You’ve got to keep that old motor running.” The nurse then said, “Well, you had better change the oil, this one’s black!”
Went to Thailand and got with 2 prostitutes. It was like I’d won the lottery. We had 6 matching balls.
Did you hear about the husband who had a near-s*x experience? His wife flashed before his eyes.
Wife: “I can’t believe you went to a prostitute to have sex.” Husband: “What did you expect? We’d been doing nothing for months…” Wife: “You could have told me you were willing to pay.”
My wife has been missing for over a week so the police told me to prepare for the worst. So I went back to Goodwill to get her stuff back.
How are buying a hooker and a subway sandwich similar? Both could’ve been avoided if your wife would’ve just done her god damn job.
What do you mean by reverse exorcism? When the demon tells the priest to exit the child’s body.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.